Chapter 30. A Golem’s Jealousy Is Not a Crime (2)
Beep-beep-beep-beep!
At that moment, a sharp mechanical alarm suddenly rang out around the coffee machine.
It clearly meant something was wrong.
Robert looked around in confusion.
[What is that sound?!]
A cable shaped like a harpoon suddenly shot out from the coffee machine and stabbed into Robert’s body.
It happened so suddenly that he had no time to react.
A massive electrical current immediately surged through the cable and into him.
[Danger! Danger! Excessive electrical current detected!]
Robert beeped out warnings as the electric shock violently shook his entire body.
Then black smoke began pouring from him.
He collapsed to the floor.
[Damage... damage... activity impossible... activity impossible...]
Only a distorted, sluggish voice came from Robert now.
Someone slowly approached him.
“So it really was you, Robert.”
It was Victoria.
She looked down at him with bitter eyes.
Yukgap was standing beside her.
[D-Doctor...]
Robert struggled to speak.
Yukgap looked at him with a complicated expression.
“Think about it. Who else is even in this restaurant besides me and Victoria? Of course we knew you were the culprit.”
It was only natural.
There were only three people in Restaurant Shelley.
Victoria.
Yukgap.
And Robert.
If neither Victoria nor Yukgap had destroyed the coffee machine, there was only one suspect left.
“Robert, why did you do this? Do you know how much work I put into making that coffee machine?”
Victoria reproached him sadly.
Robert answered firmly.
[I hated it.]
“What?”
At Yukgap’s question, Robert began reminiscing dramatically.
[In this establishment, I was the unique character and mascot. Every customer loved me. And I loved those customers.]
Yukgap casually interrupted.
“What are you talking about? That never happened.”
[...Silence, lump of flesh. Listen. That is not important right now.]
Robert cut him off.
Then he glared furiously at the destroyed coffee machine.
[But the moment that seductive machine appeared, I knew! My popularity would disappear! That shameless thing would steal my place! So I destroyed it!]
Yukgap stared at him in disbelief.
“So you destroyed the coffee machine because you were jealous?”
[In the crude language of you inferior lumps of flesh, yes.]
Robert admitted it surprisingly easily.
Victoria immediately protested.
“But Robert! That’s just a coffee machine! You’re the only waiter in our restaurant! Your roles don’t even overlap, so why were you jealous?”
[Doctor, jealousy requires no reason.]
Robert asked Victoria in return.
[Think about it, Doctor. If a woman prettier and smarter than you suddenly appeared one day, would you not naturally become cautious of her?]
“What are you talking about, Robert?!”
Victoria protested as though the idea made no sense.
“There’s no woman in this world prettier or smarter than me. Say something believable!”
“...”
Yukgap stared silently at her.
Victoria noticed.
“What? Do you have something to say?”
“...No. Not really. I don’t think saying anything would matter.”
Regardless, Robert showed no sign of letting go of his hatred toward the coffee machine.
[I cannot tolerate that coffee machine! The only inorganic being permitted to appear in this dining hall is me! I will accept no others!]
At this rate, it looked like Robert was willing to fight to the death.
Victoria looked worried.
“Hm. What should we do?”
Yukgap shrugged.
“What’s there to think about? The answer is simple.”
“Thanks for the meal!”
“Thanks for the meal!”
The Salmon Rice Bowl Brothers spoke in unison.
They looked at their completely empty bowls and smacked their lips.
“The salmon rice bowl here really is good every single time.”
“Yeah. I never get tired of it.”
While the two discussed their meal, Robert quietly approached them.
[Have you finished eating, foolish lumps of flesh?]
The brothers immediately sensed something ominous and flinched.
“W-What?”
“What now? We paid properly!”
Perhaps guilty consciences really did make people nervous.
The brothers quickly tried to think if they had done anything wrong.
Robert opened his chest armor.
A faucet emerged from inside.
[Then drink your free dessert coffee.]
The brothers stared.
“Free coffee?”
“Why are you giving us that?”
The offer came so suddenly that they looked completely confused.
Victoria stepped forward proudly to answer them.
“Why else? Because it’s Restaurant Shelley’s newest service!”
She pointed at the faucet installed in Robert’s chest.
“Starting today, Restaurant Shelley will give every customer one free cup of coffee after their meal! So from now on, everyone should gratefully drink the coffee Robert serves!”
After all the trouble, Yukgap’s solution had been simple.
Install the coffee machine function directly into Robert.
That way, they would not need a separate coffee machine at all.
And Robert would have no reason to become jealous of another machine.
In a sense, it was the perfect compromise.
[Did you hear that? Out of mercy for your pitiful existence, I shall provide you with coffee. Drink.]
Robert proudly thrust his chest forward.
The Salmon Rice Bowl Brothers looked suspiciously at Victoria.
“Is this really safe to drink?”
“You didn’t put some weird medicine in it again, did you?”
Victoria immediately protested.
“No! Do I look like that kind of evil alchemist?”
The brothers answered in disbelief.
“You’ve done that several times already.”
“Honestly, Boss, you absolutely seem capable of it.”
Their trust in Victoria had hit rock bottom long ago.
Perhaps understanding their feelings, Robert answered confidently.
[Do not worry. In anticipation of such concerns, I alone participated in the coffee production process.]
At that point, the brothers finally lowered their guard.
They readily asked Robert for coffee.
“Fine. Give me a cup.”
“Me too.”
Robert asked seriously,
[What type of coffee bean do you desire?]
The brothers tilted their heads.
“Beans? We have to choose that too?”
“Just give us anything.”
[Very well. Then what water temperature do you desire?]
Another question followed immediately.
The brothers became irritated.
“That matters too?”
“Can’t you just make it normally?”
Robert remained firm.
[Impossible! If I fail to produce perfect coffee, that shameless coffee vending machine may appear in the dining hall again! You will undergo thirty-two separate tests, drink the perfect coffee prepared by me, and learn to admire mechanical civilization...]
“Forget it. Then we won’t drink any.”
“Why is getting one cup of coffee this complicated?”
The brothers answered decisively.
Robert asked in confusion,
[Did you say you will not drink it?]
They immediately nodded.
“Yeah.”
“We’ll just go to a café.”
Apparently, they had completely lost interest in the free coffee.
Robert’s body suddenly twisted strangely.
Harsh static crackled from him.
[Will... not drink coffee... incomprehensible... incomprehensible... all customers must be served coffee... customer will not drink coffee... incomprehensible... incomprehensible!]
The words incomprehensible repeated endlessly.
Black smoke even began rising from Robert’s body.
“Boss, something’s wrong with him!”
“I think he broke!”
The brothers hurriedly called Victoria.
Victoria carefully examined Robert.
“I think Robert’s logic circuit malfunctioned. The logic of ‘all customers must be served free dessert coffee’ is conflicting with the logic of ‘the customer refuses to drink coffee.’”
The brothers became nervous.
“Then what do we do?”
“You’re not going to make us pay for him, right?”
Victoria confidently tapped Robert’s body.
“Don’t worry. Robert is smart enough to resolve a simple logical contradiction like that almost immediately!”
Sure enough, Robert’s eyes lit up again.
He spoke in a clear mechanical voice.
[Interpretation complete.]
Apparently, he had somehow resolved the contradiction.
Victoria proudly pointed at him.
“See? What did I tell you?”
Robert suddenly began speaking in a calm, rapid, and precise voice.
[All customers must be served dessert coffee. However, the customers have stated that they will not drink coffee. Therefore, we must first reach agreement on the definition of ‘drinking.’]
At the same time, an inexplicable sense of unease slowly filled the room.
Something was clearly wrong.
[‘Drinking’ is defined as taking liquid through the oral cavity and transferring it into the digestive system. Refusing this action is commonly described as ‘not drinking.’]
“...Robert? Are you okay?”
Only then did Victoria realize something had gone wrong.
She cautiously asked him.
Robert did not answer.
[Therefore, introducing liquid into the body without using the oral cavity does not technically fall under the category of ‘drinking.’ Under those conditions, the optimal method for serving coffee is...]
Whiiir. Clank.
Cold mechanical sounds filled the restaurant.
Countless gun barrels emerged from inside Robert’s body.
His eyes glowed red.
[To inject the coffee directly into the internal organs!]
Robert stared at the Salmon Rice Bowl Brothers, who had dared refuse his coffee.
Every weapon on his body aimed at them simultaneously.
A chilling warning tone thundered throughout the restaurant.
[Therefore, I shall force my coffee directly into your stomachs, lumps of flesh!]
